and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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