im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
