kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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