I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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