my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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