when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My bed smells like the plague
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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