I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
birth control should be required to get into college
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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