There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I just sharted jello shots
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
