At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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