we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
