Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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