Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
