Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
