I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
do herpes really smell.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
