we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
