It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
