I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
