whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
