Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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