I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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