Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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