Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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