they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
