your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
