I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
