around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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