dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
