did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
4 words: hood of his car
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
