3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
