i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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