Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
