Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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