my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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