I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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