Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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