I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am naked and annoyed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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