So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
