i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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