Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
