His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
