If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
