someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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