I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
