I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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