do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
