Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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