Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
