I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
