I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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