we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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