She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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