3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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