im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
