you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
