thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
