It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
